her dreams are bleeding into lies.

with no surprises.

bloodshot eyes.

matching all your sizes.

_

_

_

nihilistic thoughts.

LET'S PLAY SPOT THE SWEAR WORD GAME.

oh fork you.
recall of happenings.

1) crezawards night. JAMIE PHUA's BIRTHDAY. last minute, i planned abt the birthday dedication for jamie. i hope she did have a happy birthday. well, crezawards itself - shafinaz and diana was great on stage YUP. but for the whole crezaward- "i give it five out of ten which is not bad because i'm very discriminating." (quoted from adrain mole's book. HURHURHUR.)

2) ankle swelled up at the crezwards night. and it swell on and off. so i FINALLY went to the sinseh today. after so long. the sinseh was how mean to my swollen ankle. well, ankle in bandage again. (he gave me 7 days mc!!! i can dont go to sch for one week leh!!! WAHAHA!)

3) eyes were really swollen today. that's why i wore specs. had a row with my dad last night. a real bad one. had a cat fight with my sister on saturday, that was real bad too. in front of my grand-uncles and aunts leh. THAT BIG FAT BULLY.

4) my brother bought me a handphone. panasonic x200. (how sweet.) its pretty slim. was supposed to get x400 but only have white colour so i dont want ler!!! x200 cheaper by 70 bucks anw. GOOD. but it still cost him 128 bucks. WASTE MONEY. cos i'm still using my 8250. easier to msg. bleagh.

5) tuition on sunday was productive. tutor was happy with me YAY.

6) yest was jialing's and wanxi's birthday. HAPPY BIRTHDAY, DUDES.

7) i'm getting fat ever since i sprained my ankle cos i cant run!!! and damn, i'm on a diet!!! (wow, like real.) haha.

8) i wanna thank all the people who have been taking care of me recently. those really sweet people like BEHIND and special mention to ONNKAY. she never fails to help me carry my stuff. HOW SWEET. and kristin is one sweet thing too. thanx to all of you. LOVEloveLOVE.

9) school sucks. and i mean it, inside out.

10) had been having this bad flu. on and off too. thank god it's usually at night when my nose starts dripping. HURHURHUR. such shitty stuff you wont want to see.

11) i'm tired of blogging so i'm choosing stuff to write on only.

12) i love bringing sandwiches to share with my partners. but why must mr lee split us up?!? but nvm, now we're just abt 15cm apart HOR. wahaha.

13) this is unlucky number so i wanna end here. I HOPE I CAN BE LUCKY BY USING UNLUCKY NUMBER. (ya, right. what crap.)

bleagh.
ta.

we never said
our love
was evergreen,
or as unchanging
as the sea -
but please
promise me,
that sometimes,
you will think
of me!

_

floating, falling,

sweet intoxication!

touch me, trust me,

savour each sensation!

let the dream begin,

let your darker side give in

to the power of

the music that i write -

the power of

the music of the night.

i'm late for cresawards.
HURHURHUR.
well, off to get myself entertained with a $5.
ta.

today is sir's birthday.
he's one respectable man in my life.
just like my brother.

no mood to blog.
been swearing all day long.
oh FORK.

blah.
ta.

have you noticed how disgustingly ugly this world is?

happy birthday, snxy.

ohwell, the day went _ with a _ _ _ _ word stuck in my mouth.
i need a mouthwash argh.
i'm telling you now the truth is I'M FIERCE and you're not wrong at all abt it.
think i'm fierce then be it.

i'm a book reader now.
haha.
come to think of it, why did i hate reading so much.
i'm addicted to adrian mole.
i think he's dirty minded like onnkay.
HURHURHUR.
zhiqi is currently reading one of those books too.
and ms seah confiscated one of it cos onnkay was reading it in class.
=X.
ahwell, the below made me laugh like mad.

"... a photograph of my mother in a wedding dress. She's the only bride I've seen who's got cigarette smoke coming out of her nostrils."

oh, funny funny.
anw my ankle is fine when i walk up the stairs.
but it hurts when i walk down or start running.
as soon as i'm free, i'll get down to see the sinseh again.
nerd going back to dig into the books.
ta.

[hogged.]

__________________a fake smile is all it takes

to hide these scars.

SURPRISE SURPRISE.
i'm home early today.
430pm leh.
wow, the whole new start of my REAL nerd journey.

(YA, my foot, what am i doing online?)

i hate my ankle.
maybe sinseh-ing tmr again.
i've been dragging this since taking out the bandage on saturday.
was supposed to go yest but i was lazy.
not today either cos i've no mood.
BAAAAA.
i had a hard time fitting my feet into the shoe today.
HURTS. damnit.

peiyin saw my underwear early in the morning.
GREAT. i dont like her chinese name.
i still like PEIYIN more.

oh, i wenta sch with a pimple . this size.
and went home with it 10 times the size.
i hope it'll go away by tonight.
BLAH.

the day wasnt as bad as i thought.
just that zhiqi wasnt in sch and i had to talk to my maid who was ohhh so high after reading the book i introduced to her.
but she's nice la, she helped me to carry my bag leh.
anw, alot of holiday homework to do.
nerd on the go.
ta.

[let the wrong be right.]

OK, finally.
entry for alan.

ALAN.
you're too much.

1) you chatted with me nicely. BUT. you're a stranger HOR.
2) you started getting obsence.
3) you daringly ask me what's obsense.
4) you didnt wear underwear and you went climbing the pole and did some pole dance. (that was utterly obsence.)
5) you wanted me to show you my tummy! (what for?!?)
6) you didnt help me kill the mosquitoes when they attacked me.
7) you wanted me to cycle you around when my ankle is bandaged.
8) you wanted me to hop onto your punny bicycle and you think you're ohhh so strong to cycle me around HUH.
9) you showed me your DICK. (how shameful, not shy at all LOR you.)
10) you asked me to go over to your place.
11) i threatened to call the police but you didnt allow.
12) you held my hand. (but you're cute la so i didnt reject. HAHA.)
13) you seduced my gay partner.
14) my gay partner likes you LOR. fine.
15) YOU KEPT CALLING ME AUNTIE. VERY GOOD.

i'm not that old HOR.
for the above reasons, i will call the police AHHH.
dont think you're 6 yrs old only and you're cute so i wont call the police HOR.

alan, actually you're cute LA.
i like you as a friend if you dont seduce my gay partner and call me AUNTIE.
call me jiejie please.

ok, i'm leaving house soon to go watch sph competition.
ta.

__________________stained,

from a slit wrist.

OH BIG FUCK, i hate to say that i'm a vulgar girl within.
and i hate you for being my friend.
i hate you for making me wanna cry cos you've been doing me wrong.
i hate the fact that i still care.
i hate it, fuck it.

last night, i was too tired so no alan's entry but i'm gonna type it later.
brief entry of what i did yest.
i quarrelled with my dad before i went outta house.
and before i slam the door, i shouted i hate you.
oh how harsh of me, but my daddy was being bitchy.
so too bad, yay.

then i cabbed to sasha's house and we watched shall we dance.
her sister and elijah went out after some time.
then i slacked, then sha cycled to her mom's workplace.
i couldnt go cos my dad was angry.
i was supposed to buy sandals i forgot all abt it.
so i cabbed to queensway and went into a shop.
pick a pair of sandals that cost 55 bucks.
the cheapest there.
then DONT HAVE MY SIZE.
so i took the lookalike, that was 69 bucks.
it's so ex cos its bloody nike air.
but i dont need such sandals, i bought to show my parents only actually.
but nvm, its nike air so its worth the $$$ ya la.
fuck you, sandals.
WOW, but i just pay then cab home.
really was rushing like crazy, my daddy was making a big fuss say my ankle in bandage still wanna go out blah blah blah.
ohhh, bitchy.

cant you tell that i'm just fuckin' broke.
i spent more than 200 bucks this month on cabs. (who ask me to stay so far, janice suggested i should buy a cab for my own use. but HOR, so ex leh.)
and more than 50 bucks on doctor for my damn sprained ankle.
and damnit my sandals just have to cost so much.
i'm broke, please donate to the save hanjin fund.

entry for alan, later.
ta.

[mouthwash.]

__________________take a pick.

finally done bathing.
i'm late, no time for alan's entry.
tonight then.
GOOD DAY.
ta.

she was torn between hatred and love.

__________________i keep a place deep inside me,

and try to hide you.

Ricola LEMON MINT.
my all time addiction.

finally, a proper entry.

last week i sprained my ankle on tuesday.

wednesday, wenta a doctor and had bandage on and went back to sch.

thursday, i stayed at home to rest cos it's really tiring to walk around with a sprained ankle.

friday. (ankle still in bandage.)
was fine then had laksa after sch and rushed home.
went back to sch for learning journey.
it was a pretty night tour that reminded me abt the one i went in 2c3'o2.
pretty memories with a BALUKU.
ahwell, night tour was nice with behind.
though i had a hard time catching up with everyone when walking.
we took pretty family pictures.
and there was a mad drunk man who roared into my face, and left me in a shock the whole night at the newton hawker.
bascially, me and wanxian were sleepyheads sleeping throughtout almost the whole trip.
i had my bolster to sleep with, YAY!
then back home the next morning.

saturday. (still, bandaged.)
rested for a few hours.
then headed to turf city.
i was dead tired from the whole night of night tour.
home after turf city.
quarrelled with my dad and broke down.

sunday. (no bandage, not much walking at home anw.)
i read a book and tried studying.

monday. (no more bandage, sandals. but swollen at the other side, blue black is ugly.)
was late for chinese camp cos i sent my sister to sch in a cab and wenta collect her lost wallet.
and the cab driver cheated my $$$ and drop me at the wrong place.
had geog for 15 mins.
then ss was great, caught up with eshwaaree then went to meet sasha.
drop by her place then cabbed home.
quarrelled with my dad so bad i broke down AGAIN.
said some wrong things to super little one.
AWWW, i'm really sorry for everything yeah.
studied the night away with my thoughts all in a mess.

tuesday. (sandals, blue black got bigger.)
i was a sad girl.
had maths lesson and then blah blah.
then chinese camp.
i went off to parent meeting.
mommy was in the G.O ler.
talked to mrs lee and she said some [*&^%$#@!+.] stuff that made me not wanna answer her.
and that made my overwhelming tears flow out too.
ms ting was being nice and kept quiet and passed me tissue.
seriously, some times you just cant overdo certain things.
I DO HAVE SELF DISCIPLINE, its just whether i wanna perform it or not.
then back to chinese camp after my mom went off.
after which was waiting for zhiqi and peiyin then i went home.
they went to changi airport for HAHA.
boy, everything was solved by then.
i was then a happy girl.
i did homework yeah.

wednesday. (shoes, cos dad insisted. it swelled up more after that, hurted badly.)
was late for sch, didnt get to go for chem cos i was almost 1 hr late and chem supposed to end in 15 mins time.
so yeah, daph, jamie, janice and me all stayed outside cos of the same reason.
then englsih course was AMUSING.
mrs MELON-KNEE tan is very expressive with her facial movements.
it can freak you out but make you laugh.
lunch was great with wobbling ice cream.
then i went off at 1pm and rushed to meet my dad at pasir ris for lunch AGAIN.
wenta pulau tekong to see my kor's graduation parade.
the funniest thing is they SANG stand up for singapore.
i was very tickled by that.
and i help my brother to wear his cap as a PARENT.
everyone looked the same from afar, my dad and i took a long time to spot my kor. (actually we didnt spot him either, he called and asked us to find him at the back.)
then yeah cabbed home after we get back to land.
rested and waited for everyone to come home.
then cabbed to northpoint for a family dinner.
sakae sushi!!! my kor's treat. yummy, i ate so much unknowingly.

thursday. (back to sandals, hurted more than before.)
woke up real early.
but i dont know what i did and i slacked at home and reached sch only at 11am.
that was the lunch break time LEH.
hurhurhur i didnt go for the first part of the course la.
then we had wobbling ice cream in mobile.
and the silly jamie did something silly that made my ice cream slide all right down my throat without chewing.
ricola throughout the lesson, carolyn more ricola than me.
SEE, its addictive.
then course was ok, and ended well with mrs MELON-KNEE tan's love story.
sent janice to bus stop, almost got killed by the 132 bus.
supposed to meet my brother so he can bring me to sinseh but he wasnt free so i was ok with it.
wenta meet sasha instead.
slacked around with sasha, shanna and elijah. stuffed with beef hor fan.
then sasha brought me to sinseh.
it felt better after that but that tense in my muscle was AWWW when the sinseh was rubbing my ankle.
had BANDAGE ONCE AGAIN.
but this time with herbs inside the bangade. it stinks.
then went to watch the boys play while alan came and harrass me.
HAHAHAHA. later i shall blog an entry just for him!!!
then went back to sasha's place to rest while she bathed.
after that, i cabbed home.
parents were making a fuss on the phone.
but they pitied me when i reach home cos my ankle so ugly yeahhh.
slept rather late cos it took me long to bath with a bandaged ankle that i cant wet.

today, friday.
woke up and had breakfast.
went back to sleep then woke up right before my tutor came.
she almost died on me cos my memory sucks.
i hope she can bear with me till o's end cos she really can teach, but i'm just a slow learner.
(actually not slow, just that i dont save the stuff in my head. i listen, understand. then forget it ler.)
bad yup, i know.
i might be going out to buy sandals later.
ok, i shall go take a rest and eat some chips.
then be back for the special blog entry just for ALAN.
ta.

[hatred.]

was
losing grip of everything, including myself.

now
picking up the pieces and WORKING HARD.

no time for computer.
daddy controling my life like [*&^%$#@!+.].
its good yet its bad.
i'm not used to this sudden lost of freedom.

ta.

surprise surprise, i'm online.
the sch clerk called my parents up and told them they've to see the principal.
even my sensible brother cant help me now.
DAMNIT.

i'm just dead.

i'm missing you, do you even know/care?

SPECIAL ORDER
We're I'm Out To Make You Smile

btw, i'm STRAIGHT.
so fork off and stop trying to find out abt my boyfriends.
they wont be happy.
esp tom, dick and harry.
but if i really have to pick, i'll chose DICK.
he's my favourite + husband.

conclusion: i'm straight, so quit assuming stuff.

just BUG OFF, and getta life.

she wants to make this a never ending story,

even if there's an ending,

_

it's gonna be

"happily ever after".

__________________sometimes i'm just a pain.

1/2 A YEAR AND COUNTING.
happy half a year to my super little one!
super spoon and super fork.
super perverts will get through all the obstacles together.
;).

the bandage dressing the nurse did for me is rather ugly.
i'm gonna do a better job.
i hate ugly ankles like mine.
anw, STOP LAUGHING AT ME.
i admit im clusmy, alright?
anw its a LONG story abt my ankle.
so quit asking me what happened.

my L1R5 is 46.
the highest in class, oh damnit.
daddy/mommy has to see mrs lee/ms claudia ting.
BAAAAA.

after house practice was pizza treat from mrs wong.
we ate so much and had so much fun.
I LOVE BRONTE.
and floorball. (outta pt, i know.)

[ilu.]

goodnight, i've an ugly ankle.

BRONTE HOUSE PRACTICE AS USUAL TMR.

i'm not going to sch but im going for house practice.
HURHURHUR.
ta.

__________________kiss of hope.

I WANNA STAB MYSELF.
this unbearable pain is killing me.
i'm immuned to pain killers.
i can feel myself dying slowly.

i came online just to blog.
for i know i wont remember what happened.
so yup.

saturaday.
woke up and read a book. (a miracle.)
wasnt feeling well so went back to sleep.
then bro came back so i bathed and we cabbed to crystal jade for family lunch.
brother's treat cos his birthday on sunday and his results are good enough to get into a university. =D.
i'm so proud of my brother.
then after lunch my brother bought a new microwave.
and my sister went over for her hockey thing.
he then went off to meet his frens while my mommy and daddy and i carried the microwave to walk around.
then cabbed home.
then rested at home, sang some songs.
headed to sasha's house after quarrelling with my dad.
watched movie with sasha and shanna.
not scary at all. then we cabbed to their mom's workplace.
it was abt 7pm ler.
ITS DAMNIT ROMANTIC THERE.
her mommy boss lehhh.
we played cards.
yeah. and they shared beef hor fan.
sasha kept forcing me to eat.
then this crazy man worked in there.
woo, freaky HOR.
then i cabbed home while they walked home.

sunday.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY SHUPING, nuer.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY, KOR KOR. happy NS-ing. (hahaha.)
the day went ok with ccf for breakfast. (HEH.)
then tuition in the evening.
i was studying the whole afternoon and my mom was unhappy with me.
like [*&^%$#@!+.].
yup, anw tutor almost died on me.
cos i was so erm. (stupid?!?)
haha, ah well nothing much happened.
i talked to her on the phone in the middle of the night.
for the 1st time LEH.
so interesting, YOU, sing me a song.
lalalala. ;).

monday, today.
the day started bad.
was late for school.
then mass run was _.
i was mood swinging and [*&^%$#@!+.].
then i almost ran into the dustbin. GOOD.
OBI-QUEAK.
then had very bad cramps.
recess, peiyin made teh tarik for me. (HAHAHA.)
then eng, i slept.
lit, i slept.
chem, i stoned.
lunch, i went back home.
i missed amaths lesson only LEH.
ahwell, cabbed home and ate ccf for lunch.
then slept till 730pm.
i need more sleep.
but im gonna do homework first.
goodnight. ta.

[immuned.]

__________________focussed on

what will come and what will be.

I'M LESS ATTACHED TO MY HP.
heh.
now i'm so much less attached to my hp.
it's time i should think abt studies more than my hp.
shall not on it forever. HUR.

thursday.
yest was great PMS day again.
i was aggitated easily.
wasnt in the mood to train but i still trained in the end.
waited for zq and xiling then went for my LAKSA.
but bloody, sold out again.
so i ate another store.
DAMN, not nice at all.
then home.

friday, today.
i was _.
the day went well till mrs rupa's lesson.
i had this urge to slap ppl. (ok, eg. BEN ZHU.)
but heh, wanxian entertained me for being my dunno what o'clock partner.
SHE ALWAYS LAUGH FOR NOTHING.
ahwell, then after sch was GREAT.
zq, jan, daph and me stayed back for awhile to do up the behind tee design.
py and flora went for their cca.
then daph had to go for art.
py and flora joined us for lunch.
then we played a GREAT GAME of FLOORBALL.
and bloody, we cant find the floorball ball in the pe room.
we used a tennis ball instead but it was still FUN.
HURHURHUR.
i laughed like crazy, i almost pee-ed on my pants.
lucky i ran to the toilet LOR.
then after game, flora and jan went home ler.
i talked to sir, then went off to ikea with py and zq.
then played MASAMASA.
so fun HOR.
then was queensway for tee making.
but didnt do it in the end YET.
zq will update behind blog abt it.
ahwell, i think i ate too much today.
i'm gonna puke now. (kidding.)
ta.

[sorted things out.]

__________________a glimpse of hope,

but still an everlasting moment

A CRAZY OLD MAN AT HOME.
my dad, my old man is crazy today.
he cooked 2 portions of food for me.
(his one portion is good enough to make you bloat.)
cos he prepared too much and he knows i usually have good appetite.
but he doesnt know i dont like to eat proper dinner.

time for proper blogging.
recall, recall, recall.

monday.
i bad mooded the day away.
filled with anger that came from nowhere.
it was just my mood.
till i see jiawen.
heh, and then i saw ph and wendy and ysy and serene and jo.
and everyone and everyone.
i was one happy soul.
i'm kinda glad that i didnt exactly see anyone crying.
yeah, I MISS YSY SO MUCH I ALMOST CRIED OK.
heh. when i saw her.
it's like the first time i see her after almost 3 months.
then yeah, she treated me to ice tea LEH.
the day ended off with boring training,
that both me and yitian thought werent that productive.
waited for zhiqi and xiling then home.

tuesday.
HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY FLORA, ms huahua and mrs U-KNOW.
day was _.
really a nothing much happened day.
then after sch was eng remedial.
it was howww redundant please LOR.
i think all of us there can speak better than him.
like SERIOUSLY.
ahwell, after that, wenta help mr lee with our class stuff.
then wenta the canteen with fazliah to do some homework but i ended up sun tanning.
waited for zhiqi and xiling.
then we all wenta redhill market and were so excited abt LAKSA.
eshwarree joined us at the redhill station.
and very goooooooood HOR.
never sell LAKSA when all of us were in such LAKSA mood.
then we just settled down with other food then home.

wednesday, today.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY ESHWARREE, my gf HOR.
anw, the day was ok.
pe was crazy under the dizzy.
poor jaslyn got hit by the frisbee on the face.
so dangerous.
then cme was slack.
we were drawing the behind stick figures.
HEH. took back 3 commontest papers today.
emaths, amaths and bio.
all f9s. -what's done is done.
pouts. but i'm gonna work hard now.
this time i really mean it.
i dont wanna let myself down either.
ahwell, then after sch was supposed to have amaths/emaths.
but cancelled so zhiqi, wx and i went for our lunch then did some changes to the draft of behind stick figures.
damn funny!!!
then angeline and yujia came and we went up to the hall to play floorball for house practice.
heh, I LOVE FLOORBALL.
i wanna join floorball when i go to a jc, angeline too.
it's sooooo fun HOR.
oh man, we laughed like crazy and all of us perspire like crazy too.
GREAT GAME.
wx went off earlier and we continued playing for awhile.
hmmm then we changed and sir talked to me for quite a long time.
and he fetched me and zq to redhill station cos we were dead beat.
then home.

i'm so sick of FOOD now.
tmr, i'm gonna skip lunch and dinner.
i mean it, unless you give me the LAKSA that i've been craving for weeks.

ohoh, sorry bronterians abt not putting up a notice on the bronte board.
but there was annoucement already, so YUP.
heh.
ta.

[slashed.]

BRONTERIANS.
note: tmr, check the bronte board during your recess.
cos i'm not exactly sure abt tmr's house practice so i'll put the notice up on the board.

anw, sch was _ today.
erm and i think the yr book is a great source of entertainment.
everyone looks so strange. (esp me.)
everyone's so mockable in there.
HURHURHUR.
i've a whole list of ppl to mock tonight.
but i'm kinda lazy, as always.
so NEXT TIME. (maybe only HOR.)
i'm going back to stone now.
ta.

[hectic.]