no one knows the fact that her heart was bleeding so badly, deep down within.

its her own disfunction that always lead her to nothing.

she is armed with an attitude that she knows how to use.

I'M BACK.
ok i'm not exactly mood swinging anymore cos my brother's fren is staying over!
ah!!! did i say how good lookin' he is?
well his body is as good as Qi Yu Wu in ren wo au you. yesh! nice hair, nice body.
but i'm utterly shy i must say.
i was like hiding my face just now cos i wasnt wearing a bra.
you're not supposed to tell anyone abt that. HAHA.

ok back to mocking ppl since i've planned what to write! haha.
too bad for you if you think i'm mocking you.
but its actually no one in particular. just mocking for the fun of mocking.
HAH.

ok. i was mood swinging due to my skin peeling. pouts.
but i cheered myself up by telling myself.
"lucky no matter how much i peel, i'm not as white as some people!"
grins.

and i was kinda happy i lost weight.
i'm a girl thats why. DUH right.
all girls wanna lose weight.
unlike VIOLET. she's so ugly yet so skinny.
i bet she's the only one on earth who needs not lose weight.
ok i shall add jw's ******************* into the list of not needing to lose weight. (sorry jw.)
not mocking her la. just mocking VIOLET cos i utterly dislike violet. (dunno why. should be due to her disgusting face and horrible attitude towards my dash who runs so cute during the competition.)
VIOLET. dont be sad that you've no weight to lose.
i bet you're utterly keen abt gaining weight.
tell ya what. you can just go and die.
cos you're too ugly. and skinny. and VANISH and die la. go, go. SHOO!

ok. end of my mocking session.
i'm outta my mind. HAH.
dont complain if you chose to read it.
ta.

________________so much confusion

circling inside my head.

reached sch at 12++noon.
left sch at 1++pm with jialing to town.
wenta cine to eat paste mania.
i had no appetite. so ate potato salad only.
yup. saw melissa.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY AH LONG MEN. LJM LOVES YOU.
then passed amelia my heels.
then headed to lips to do work. (supposingly la.)
ended up drinking cookies and cream drink while jialing drink this coffee thing.
then we slacked and i fell asleep.
woke up and continued ordering stuff to drink and eat.
i tried the coffee drink thing and jialing ordered another one of it.
we ate wedges. =). jialing loves pepper so much she fed my foolscap alot too.
she thought i bath my foolscap. (i wonder why, maybe she does that)
yeah then we went off at 7++pm.
slacked in lips for abt 3/4 hours! haha. nice place indeed.
yup. then i dragged jialing to heeren to look for a bag with me.
hah. then we went home.
stood on the exact same spot that we always make fun of the funny expression of *.
haha. went home mood swing alittle.
now my brother wanna use the com for awhile. i'm nice to let him use for now.
shall be back to mock at ppl in a few mins time.
I WILL BE BACK.

[i ain't missing you.]

hmmm right before i leave my house. i've something to share!
i lost 3kg. i think its cos of MENSE.
haha. if you're a guy and you're reading this.
please dont be jealous. hah.
or maybe cos i lost my appetite due to mense.
then now i only feel like eating baby food.
and i just ate baby food for breakfast. =D. nice.
well or maybe cos since last nite i started peeling at my shoulders due to the burn on previous sunday.
maybe the skin cells add up to 3 kg? BA.
TAMADE. why am i peeling!?!
okok. ta.

she was a wild child dreamer but she'll find herself soon.

__________________now everybody go

to the dance floor, to the dance floor, to the dance floor.

FINALLY i got into blogger. some idiot hacked into my account.
ok its gonna be a long long entry since i've sucha PERFECT GF like JIAWEN.
anw. for more info, please link to my GF's blog.__________ jiawen's blog.

well. friday was prom night. =D.
in the morning i woke up late.
took a cab to sch then to hilton hotel.
then realised i was kinda early.
yeah waited then came jo and fiona.
went to eat chocolates. =). then ph came.
they wenta do their hair at fiona's cousin's shop.
i followed but didnt do my hair. didnt plan to anyway.
i dont like ppl to touch my hair. haha.
meanwhile. jw came and take the key of the room.
then after doing their hair. we wenta jo's mom's office.
her frens all came and helped us on our makeup.
i seriously looked like a ghost.
everyone looks so nice except me.
then we went back to hotel. got changing.
PEIHAN looked so girl for once i see. but not bad a change. =).
FIONA was so sexy. lucky i'm not a guy or i'll drool over her.
JOANNA kept up with her cute little girl image. but a sexy one. ;).
then val and jw came.
JIAWEN my gf, her makeup was well done up by her. her hair is nice!
oh HANJIN. you looked like shit.
so we went down.
all we could do was slacked around take photos.
blah blah.
SERENE looked so sexy except for her mom's shoes la. so cute that girl.
YEOSIYING looked great too. but her poses in the cam are like ahma.
WENDY looked so adult. but niccccce. =).
yup. then went into the ballroom.
jw kept trying to sneak me in. what a sweet gf. haha.
ok i have to say this.
HUIYI looked not girl at all. please huiyi, your blouse was too big!
CHANGSIYING. please dont show off that you're flat ok. i'm jealous.
FIONNE. your boots are so hip. you looked good over all.
TINWAI. i'm sorry. but next time dont wear black! you look fairer in it. you looked good la.
CALX. your hair was so funky. i was soOo tempted to touch.
CASSANDRA. you sexy thing. please dont sit besideme next time. i was so tempted to touch too. hah.
ANKITA. you looked so outstanding on the stage. i think you should win.
NICOLE. you looked so bimbo. like duh. haha. looked great. ;).
JACLYN. you looked purplish. just so you. yup.
JINGWEN. you looked so good but dont be shy please.
DORCAS. and MRS HENG. both of them looked so good. yet still small. =X. hah.
okok enough i needa blog.
it was food time and we played the number game with the disgusting parts of the dishes.
then blah blah blah. lucky draw wasnt lucky at all.
then was DANCE TIME. =D.
it was great dancing you knowwwwwwwww.
then was the end of prom.
i remember taking picture with qiqi.
QIQI. your hair is so nice! and please dont spoil my image by asking me to take funny photos next time. =P.
well. then we went back to the room.
blah blah.
val, jo, ph and fiona wenta eat while jw and i had this crazy craving to continue dancing.
so we. blah blah blah.
blah blah blah.
and yesh jw my gf can lap dance very well. =D. hah.
yup. reached the hotel at 4++am.
bathed ate some tomyam noodles.
then slept. i was talking nonsense to jw in the middle of the night.
i dont know wat i was saying. i know i kept calling her peihan and jiawen.
bu zhi dao wat nonsense.
in the morning was buffet breakfast with jo fiona and ph.
val and jw couldnt wake up at all.
felt kinda sick. wanted to go home badly.
then blah blah. ate chocolates again then checked out.
then slowly they all went off.
fiona and i pei-ed jw to look for a job.
jw my gf has same interest as me! haha.
well fiona has to go off for some clown thingy.
then left me and jw. meanwhile was sex talks. HAHA. as usual.
blah. we were so tired. we went home at 4 plus reaching 5.
yup. then i slept from 7pm to 11pm.
tried to blog but someone bloody hacked into my account and i cant get in.
BLOODY ASSHOLE.
i was wide awake from 11pm to 4am. then slept.
till this morning 12noon. ate breakfast then slept. ate lunch. then slept again.
until 4++pm. thats how tired i am.
yup. FINALLY i finished blogging.
im kinda crapping throughout.
if you finished reading every line. you're the winner of the minute.
ta.

[craving to dance.]

i know i'm in a bad mood now but i just want to show you.
HOW UGLY VIOLET IS.
and look at how adorable dash is. =D.
jack jack too.
but i'm more in love with dash.

ok short and sweet. cos i needa get plenty of sleep tonight for tmr!

- yest, caught shutter with her. well its a highly NOT recommended show for kids. (kids are those younger than me.) its too gross i cant take it. yup. after that was dropping by her house then took a cab home. reached home at 10++pm. was so tired.

- caught the incredibles with zhiqi and jialing. how ugly can violet get. how annoying can she get. esp her sceam. how cute can dash get. how adorable can jack jack get too. well. no mood to blog ler. just wanna say. MY MOTHER IS A FUCKING BITCH. bye.

__________________i make believe that you are here.

these are the things that i know are true.
these are the people that i'm thinking of at this moment.

adrea. ameliachan. andrealoh. angelinetheblur. bernicelow. changsiying. chongmaye. choyjialing. chuapeihan. clarycelumpyni. deniselim. fionnelai. florahuahua. germainep. germainetan. gohhuiyi. huiboon. FLASHBACK. huimin4c3. janiceliu. jamiephua. jennifer. jiawen. joanlim. joannaphua. joanne4s3. juneyup. lauralee. leeyitian. lingzhi. liyun. lohjiahui. melissachin. natalienanny. nicolethang. ongszeying. peiyinbeyond. racheltong. ria. ruthyeow. sereneleow. sophie. tertia. tinwai. wendywang. yeosiying. yeozhiqi. yuani.

the names are arranged in alphabetical order.
search for your name if you think you left an impact on me. or left me good memories.

[too lost for words.]

she has been living aimlessly not knowing what she wants.

her mind has been running wild since the day you walked outta her.

__________________cos nothing else had ever felt so right.

- yest visited little pervert in the morning. he helped me apply aloe vera gel. =X. then was cine with jialing and productive work for me. (not for jialing, wanna know the reason? to find out more, visit jialing's blog.) reached home at 8++pm. oh and i wished for mense and it really came. =X.

- today was slacking in sch with jialing, jamie, janice and zhiqi. (note: zhiqi's name doesnt have J. unlike all of us there. hah. Jealous?) yup. then janice had to go home while all of us headed for tiong bahru plaza. for porridge buffet. not bad a deal. ate lotsa warm stuff. had bad mense cramps which hurt like shit. yup. then slacked around while i kept thinking abt killing myself due to the too much pain caused by cramps. HAH. i am not so silly to kill myself DUH. i ended up eating ice cream. nice. =). ate two cones. jamie and jialing too. then jamie had to rush off. while zhiqi, jialing and i spinned ring. tossed coins. blah blah blah. then went home ler. =). reached home at 8++pm again.

[painkillers.]

she ain't perfect, she has flaws that are not visible.

she wants either all or nothing.

tried blogging just now.

dont know what happened everything is gone.

nvm.

next time perhaps.

ta.

Quick Fact (before i get going to sch)

Blackheads and whiteheads
causes:
Oxidation of sebum trapped under the skin ; lack of Vitamin A.
treatments:
Clean your face throughly daily ; increase your intake of Vitamin A and C. Vitamin C is the best anti-oxidant as it detoxifies and promotes the formation of natural collagen in the skin while Vitamin A enhances skin renewal and helps keep wrinkles at bay.

[extract from a magazine.]

well. i'm going to phramacy before i go to school.
i needa get aloe vera gel.
i think my shoulders are burnt.
so freakin' pain.
i wanna get Vitamin A pills too.
=X. haha.
does royal jelly pills contain Vitamin A?
anyone knows?
hah.
ok i better get going.
ta.

__________________i'm yours in every other way.

good morning.
well.
yest was sentosa with jialing.
well we had fun under the big hot ever disappearing sun.
nah.
i've tanned my fat fat fat tummy finally.
hehe.
and jialing claims that my tann lines on my back are very complicating now.
yesh sorta la.
its a swim suit tann line + sports bra tann line + tube tann lines (yest).
thats how complicating.
dont have to imagine.
its just too hard to imagine.
haha.
we played in the water and picked seashells for the little jap boy.
the one and only eye candy for the day.
boring sentosa indeed.
saw someone who looks like someone.
yup.
after that was a heavy rain.
jialing and my mood changed like shit due to the overflowing toilet.
well. but i was kinda happy after bathing (for bathing so fast for the first time).
i was feeling so happy and yeah!
hahah.
but the rain was still heavy so we had to walk under the rain which made us sorta dirty again.
tosk.
the walk under the rain was bad and it was so cold.
i started cursing everyone under my breathe.
evil me. =X.
but i hate feeling cold.
i hate rains.
well.
walked in harbourfront looking for some warm food.
and we found out that harbourfront is rather boring after walking for at least 2/3 times around the same places.
yup.
well.
then off we went home.
i was so freakin' tired.

__________________all the love we made

can never be erased.

anw.
everyone should visit shuping's blog!
her blog song is nice. =D.
ok. at least i think so.
its the song lyrics that i put up really really really long time ago.
JAMIE.
that is the song we've been trying to recall!
go listen. ;).

ok.
i shall go bath soon and leave house to sch soooooon.
ta.

[until the end of time.]

she remains tangled in the chains of desire.

__________________you put a dart,

through my dreams through my heart.

today was a bad day.
had two bad quarrels with my dad.
broke down and cried a few times too.
why am i sucha horrible daughter? sigh.
but he was utterly unreasonable.
nvm.
i spent the whole day packing my room.
now its so neat. =).
well.
now its so late ler!
yet i'm still here.
guess now its my habit to come online after 1am.
ba.
tmr is sentosa.
cant wait to tann my awful tann lines away.
WAHAHA.
oh and i've got the incredibles' plasters few days back.
i think its so cute!
hah.
well. i'm so bored.
somebody save me.
ta.

[captivated.]

her body language tells clearly that she is too lost in her dreams.

__________________i want you for the rest of my life.

im freaking pissed.
i just dont understand.
why am i the one doing everything yet i'm the one getting all the scoldings?
sigh.
fork.
damnit.

__________________there's things about me you just have to know.

i dont know how to live without your love.

i was born to make you happy.

cause you're the only one within my heart.

_____

i dont want to cry a tear for you.

so forgive me if i do.

if only you were here tonight.

i know that we could make it right.

___

always and forever you and me.

that's the way our life should be.

_

i'd do anything, i'd give you my world.

_

__________________living in a dream of you and me is

not the way my life should be.

ba.
losing all my senses.
well.
i know i'm crazy.
i'm mood swinging like shit.
i hope i get my mense right now.
come right now please.

[no more tears to dry.]

__________________there's something deep in me waiting to escape.

well. somebody tell me how to control my appetite!
olinda is a good singer.
i'll not forget her.
anw.
i realised i can tie my hair ler.
but when my fringe is not pushed behind my ears.
jamie and janice claim that i look like.
i just had sex!
its so eeyer.
screwed up hair la.
ba.
nothing much to blog abt.
just wanna say.
its sucha pity olinda is gone.
not that i want anyone of them to be eliminated either.
but its just a pity.
i thought.
she was the best around.
but not all think so.
so nvm.
life goes on.
ta.

[both ignored the truth.]

did i say.

some HUMAN's blog is so annoying to read.

like ____________'s.

jialing has the same thinking too.

highly annoying.

tsk.

__________________i guess we're just made of dream.

ok i got my hair cut ler.
botak ler.
nah.
not really.
got my hair cut for prom de.
yup.
i hope there's a difference cos i cant tie it anymore!
but then again.
its long yet not long.
but i'm still waiting for my bun.
sobs.
well.
my bloody menopause-ing mommy.
she accused me of me dyeing my hair?
she forking pulled my hair.
why am i not botak.
bloody.
so pissed with her.
she knows i've brown hair.
she just have to pick on me cos i dont wash the dishes.
thats cos i'm sensitive to the washing detergent.
menopause then everything is my fault.
seriously.
i dont see her scolding my kor or sis.
sigh. nvm.
biased. sigh.
ta.

[nothing else matters.]

__________________taking the easy way out.

hmmm.
haven been really blogging.
i couldnt sleep so decided to do some changes to my blog.
but to show jialing that i can do more than usual.
i did this.
haha.
its not exactly nice though.
its just too bimbo.
and i dunno why i like that photo so much.
we look like stars, ok, even jialing does. [her pose.]

ok fine.

i know my pose is wrong.
haha.
well.
that pic was taken yest.

ok maybe yest's yest?

ok whatever.

its tues.

the rest are in jialing's blog.
yest was the band concert.
and zhiqi received a really big bouquet of flowers from us.
10 stalks of roses.
but its in my house now.
cos she was too occupied by her band equipments.
she performed well.
we're her loyal fan club!
hah. ;).
then after concert.
jialing and i went to town.

blah blah blah.
i've got through again.

AS AN ADULT.
and i was all red.
sun burn not.
well i took the last 2 train.
jialing took her last train.
it wasnt as scary as i thought cos it was pretty crowded.
haha.
really had lotsa fun yest.
and wearing a skirt is not easy.
haha.
well.
wo si da pian ren.
hah.
my chinese improved!
=X.
dan si wo zhen de si. haha.
kk.
off ta get some sleep.
ta.

[you're still with me in my dreams.]

yest went for a nice nice swim. got nice nice tann. but tann lines are awful. oh. the strange guy who strangly asked for my no., ___he turns out to be a policeman. sorry but he looks more like chi kor pek to me. ren bu ke mao xiang! and ber just likes to critisize my feet that much. TSK! ta.

the green shirt that ethel wore today is the exact colour shirt jialing and i were looking for! well ethel, good choice of colour. ;).

jialing got her green top from fourskin ler. i'm still thinking abt whether to get it. oh. i'm glad i bought my zara top. well. gabriel is mine. no one is to snatch him away from me. ta.

dad's in hospital again. no mood to blog HERE. all i know is that i'm really into the swimming mood now. all the ren wo ao you's fault. i cant swim yet cos i'm still sick. =(. ta.

i love shopping. i love spending 2oo bucks in a day. it just makes me happy. time to sleep. ta.

__________________ holding too tightly afraid to lose control.

though its not exactly the end of the yr.
but there.

reflection of year 2oo4.

1. the year started off with me still being a sec.3 but in a whole new enviroment. accepting new faces and the fact that i'm no longer still part of 3g3'o3. its a whole new year. time to move on i told myself. slowly, i've come to realise that things have to change somehow. but time after time i'll miss those times i had with 3g3'o3. as they said, "no matter what, you're still part of us yeah?" yeah i know that. but. its no longer the same. yeah. you know that, so do i. everytime i see you guys. i long to talk to you all. but i'm so outta the topic. i'm totally lagging all the time. hah. thats part of me yup. farewell assembly was hard for me. i had a hard time, knowing i wont be able to see 3g3'o3 in school having lessons anymore. ba. but i just have to say. 3g3'o3 still plays a big part in my life yeah. love you guys loads. esp bloody gang. and i'm glad we still have outting once in awhile. and i'm awaiting for prom-ing with you guys. ;).

2. 16th of january. my granny passed away. yesh. before that was us going in and out of the hospital to visit her. the days were tiring. but at least i felt closer to her. i never knew my granny had blue eyes till she was in the hospital. i held her hand asking her to take care, and i really meant it from the bottom of my heart. but still, her heart stopped beating. at least, without much struggle and pain. on the day itself. the sucide of my neighbour had caused a great impact on me too. the scene of blood oozing out. the scene on 2 deaths in a day, the scene of 2 corpses in a day. i've seen the cruelty of life. and how fragile one's life is. sigh. life goes on. yup. but granny, i miss you. i really do. rest in peace. i'll study hard. for you, for daddy and mommy. and me.

3. cbsf. serene, siying and wendy. i miss you guys. things are no longer the same. we're so distant now. but know what. i still love you guys. there's never gonna be an end to our friendship. never.

4. amelia chan. i doubt you'll be reading this. but thanx for everything. and thanx for giving me a chance to learn how to not take things for granted. tc.

5. jamie. thanx for being sucha great listener throughout this year. i'm glad i found a friend like you. though we're always teasing each other of our [retardedness.] and our [forgetfulness.]. hah. but thats what's keeping me smiling with ya around. ;).

6. i loved training. with sy and jo around. but since they stop going for training. i have to admit that going for training had been a dread for me. its not that i cant train with the sec.3s. its just that i cant stop myself from thinking that we're different in some ways. though i can clique with ppl like yitian and hweeyi and angeline, yujia and bernice [sometimes.]. that doesnt mean i'm exactly as happy as i used to be. fond memories are sure to be there. cant be erased. so i'm really sorry if i'm always finding excuses not to go for training. but its really a dread for me. sigh.

7. 3s3'o4. unknowingly, i became a chairman of the class. i didnt plan to give my all, i must say, as i still had my heart still in 3g3'03. but somehow. after all the conflicts and everything. i realised no matter what, we're still as one yeah. we worked well for share-a-thought, for racial harmony. look back at the photos of share-a-thought and racial harmony. those were few sweet moments of glory we had, as a class. being the always-not-knowing-what-to-do chairman, i really hope everyone of ya will come to realise we're one as a class, we're all gonna strive for our As for o's next yr. start mugging. we can do it, prove those stinking teachers wrong.

8. germaine. this is for ya. i know there were undeniable conflicts and everything between us last time. now i'm fine with ya. i really am. but i must say i do miss those days we spent in the temp block, playing with 'sex whips' and acting punk with my pullover. fond memories indeed. conflicts aroused. but we couldnt help it. much of misunderstandings and gossips and little bitch talkings which caused them. am glad that at least now we can talk to each other. well. take care.

9. jialing. hey darling thanx for being sucha great friend. we've became close after abt a yr. nice having you around. and i know you've a secret crush on me! hah. blushes. and nice chatting with ya online in the midnights. =).

10. zhiqi. hey partner. we've became close only at the ending of this yr. you had never failed to make me laugh. really. and you're one hilarious friend that i dont wanna live without. thanx for being so funny and cheering me up always. =).

11. my old man. he has not been well. he's 50 this year. this boney guy is so skinny now. lately, he's been lying on his bed in pain. i cant help but worry abt him. esp he's always giving me i'm-really-gonna-die-any-moment talks. sigh. i cant deny that i used to hate him. maybe i still do. for the fact that he used to smoke and drink and he used to bring chaos to my family -all the fights and quarrels. but now that i look at him, he's so weak. it brings tears to my eyes. since young i thought i had a broken family. now, i can see that my mom still loves my dad. i can see her crying in her heart, seeing my dad in pain. daddy, in some corner of my heart i can tell that i love you. the contradiction of me. i hate you yet i love you. sigh. i'll be praying for ya.

12. mommy. i know its been really hard on her. thanx for being sucha great mom though you're sorta going through your menopause. i dont blame her for bad mooding at times. but i hope its not often! =X.

13. bronte. well i've letted peihan down. =(. i dint give my 101% in bronte this year. perhaps its the different situation that i'm in yup. i'm sorry peihan. i hope next yr will be a better year for bronte.

14. my results. it's been sucha let down to everyone. i mean its my second yr in sec.3 and my results are still so _. yup. i'm gonna start mugging as long as i settle the bronte and track stuff. yup. i hope i'll do it this time. empty words always take the easier way out.

15. private parts gang. you made this yr a brighter yr for me. really glad to find every single one of ya. =). rock on.

16. little pervert. ilu. and thanx for making me smile everyday. now and then. ;).

- the end of reflection.

okok.
i cant think of anything to write ler.
i cried while typing everything out.
no.1, 2, 3, 6, 11. <- i cried typing them. baha. this yr has passed by so fast. i hope next yr too. ba. my hand is tired from typing ler. ta.

[countless days pass by immeasurably.]

__________________cos you bring out the best in me.

well hi there.
today was supposed to have amaths thing in the morning.
i couldnt wake up.
i slept at 530am in the morning.
and i so totally couldnt bring myself outta bed.
too sick to.
was sneezing the whole night away.
sigh.
well.
i woke up at 1130am.
to find myself trying to swallow the two bowls of udon noodles cos i was freaking hungry.
but it was so pain.
i guess i've throat infection.
hah.
i realised i've it like at least once every yr.
ok.
then i went back to sleep.
dad woke me up at 4pm.
i was the only one at home.
so yup he needed to go to the clinic to redress his wounds from the operation.
it was bleeding.
well.
then went there.
me, myself supposed to go see a doc too.
but then after my dad got his wounds dressed up.
he was so in pain and outta this breath.
so i sent him home.
without evening seeing a doc myself yet.
ba.
meanwhile.
reflection time.
ta.

[life goes on.]

__________________found flaws in the perfect picture.

baha.
i'm still online.
its 430am ler.
and i can feel 1 pimple popping out.
well drinking the 2nd cup of warm honey drink ler.
i make the drink so thick.
its so nice and warming to drink.
damnit.
recently i've been sleeping so late.
damnit.
nvm.
i shall try to get my 1 hrs of sleep right now.
ta.

[security felt.]

i wanna let you know you're driving me crazy.

__________________

i don't think you understand what you're doing to me.

______________

constantly, you're on my mind.

___________

girl, i miss you, never thought i'd feel this way.

_

[two months and counting.] ;).

__________________twist your words until they crumble.

ok there.
today was supposed to go for reap.
but due to change of plans.
then i wenta little pervert's house instead.
then cabbed to sch.
had bronte meeting.
blah blah blah.
=).
then was supposed to meet up with jialing to go for earrings shopping.
but due to change of plans again.
i went back to little pervert's house again.
his aunt says i look familiar.
his friends were there playing x box with him.
they played cards.
typical guys.
we played truth or dare.
then dare or dare.
since i'm a pure girl.
i seemed to get the easier way out.
;).
haha.
anw his sister was freaking me out at the start.
=X.
haha.
but it was fun playing and watching them play.
though i wasnt really feeling well.
yup.
played catching.
haha.
fond memories.
had real lots fun laughing.
and before i went home.
i saw gabriel!
the little boy with gold fringe.
yesh, the one i'm sorta in love with.
ok little pervert carried him.
so did i.
hehe.
so happy to carry him.
he's just too cute for me to take it.
well.
then went home at 8pm.
cabbed home.
reached at 830++pm.
wow was so hungry.
dint eat for the whole day.
ate so much.
heh.
but it was so hard to swallow food.
throat hurts like shit.
i'm falling sick again.
damnit.
now i cant stop sneezing.
who the hell is cursing me in the middle of the night.
its 0307am now.
i've no freaking idea what am i doing online so late.
i just cant sleep with this stupid flu.
sobs.
somebody save me.
nvm.
i shall go get a warm honey drink now.
ta.

[no guarantee.]

__________________senses dissolve into soliloquies.

_
baha.
today was supposed to wake up early.
to go for a swim with my sis.
so can sun tann.
but haha.
i woke up at 12 noon.
she woke up at 1pm.
so we woke up just in time for lunch.
so ended up going for a swim in the late evening.
meanwhile i was napping after lunch.
hah.
i'm a big fat pig.
well.
i saw my ex swimming coach there.
chatted with him.
he offered me a part time job.
not bad a deal.
slack job for 5 bucks an hr.
i'm considering.
though i dint plan to work at all.
but haha.
shall see.
erm.
then swim till 7++pm.
bathed and went home.

was planning to do alittle holiday homework before i sleep.

but.

__________________lack of motivation.

so nvm.
now so freaking tired.
guess its becos i haven been going for training ler.
horrible.
i'm just freaking fat and i hate it.
sobs.
kk.
off to sleep.

[a shattered dream.]

__________________a love that feels so close to paradise.

baha.
;).
hmmm.
lets see.

thursday was bringing heels.
and showing my painted toe nails.
those toe nails of mine freak me out actually.
everyone tried the heels.
funny.
and i was wearing a freaking normal bra.
and jamie just had to unhook it.
=X.
but i lift up her skirt and saw her underwear.
haha fair ler.
then after lessons.
janice and i were waiting for jamie.
while i wenta talk to fionne and jw!
totally miss them.
haha.
baha. talked abt prom and abt doing our hair and stuff.
hah.
well.
then janice, jamie and i wenta far east.
it started off with a few aunties looking at my butt!
=/.
i tried 3 dresses.
and they kept commenting on my eeyer butt.
so embarrassing.
so many ppl staring at my butt.
well.
then in the end walk around.
blah blah blah.
ended up buying 2 chokers and a braclet and a pair of shiney ear rings.
hah.
for prom.
ok i'm indeed an implusive shopper.
=P.
janice and jamie say so too.
pouts.
haha.
hmmm.
in the end i settled down in a black tube prom dress.
it looks like the one that cost 7oo++bucks one in perfect in black.
so i'm quite glad.
hah.
and its pretty.
but not when i wear it.
well. cos i'm fat and ugly.
when janice has to go.
it was raining like shit.
so jamie and jan went home.
while i headed to little pervert's house in the heavy rain.
yeah.
wenta her house.
she made me wear the dress for her to see.
well funny.
made her try the heels.
her feet is how small.
haha.
;).
then she brought me to see the little boy in the drizzling rain.
the little boy with gold fringe.
oh yesh.
he's utter cuteness.
hehe.
carrying the small small kinda umbrella walking alone in the rain.
he's kinda shy when i was around.
according to little pervert.
hah.
so cute!!!
ba.
well then went back home at 8++pm.
it was horrible at night.
mom wacked me with a belt for nothing?
ok.
at least i think so.
but she was bad mooding so i cant blame her.
had a bad time crying for the whole night till my eyes were so totally swollen.
ba.
its so saddening.
all the pain.
ba. =(.

the next morning woke up with swollen+sore eyes.
from too much crying.
ba.
then wenta sch.
told jamie what happened.
then started crying unknowingly.
ba.
was emotionally unstable yeah.
esp when i found out my sis had been using my stuff(S) without my permission.
so annoying.
ba.
then was going to canteen getting a drink.
feelin' much better.
then was amaths lesson.
blah.
then afterwhich.
went to far east with peiyin and janice.
supposed to go for training.
but really not in the mood.
needed some time to have fun to cheer myself up.
ba.
=(.
ate chicken rice.
and chicken cutlet. =).
yummy.
then they left.
and i wenta bus stop to wait for jamie, zhiqi, jialing and daph.
ended up boarding the bus they took.
then walk walk around.
hehe.
ba.
i saw liyun!
wa. totally miss her.
heh.
daph went off halfway.
wenta find _books.
hah.
slacked in kino for awhile.
then jialing wenta cut her hair.
meanwhile.
jamie zhiqi and i went eat yummy food.
erm i feel like cutting my hair too.
but next yr la.
cos i still want my bun first.
and little pervert dont allow me to cut!!!
my hair i mean.
pouts.
well then reached home at abt 9pm.
and did i say jialing's hair is really nice.
;).
yup.

today.
woke up at 10am.
ate lotsa food for breakfast.
watched ppg.
then wenta sleep again.
till abt 0230pm.
wah.
my room still doesnt have a curtain.
so i open the window.
the sun shine in directly.
i slept right under the sun.
cos i was feeling cold.
hmmm.
woke up feeling better.
i was sleeping+sun tanning at the same time.
haha.
ba.
woke up eat lunch then online.

today's entry kinda crappy.
the way i type.
cos i'm in a crappy mood.
cos jialing is talking to me.
showing me friendster stuff.
and i'm too engrossed in it.
i'm sorta typing nonsense here.
hah.
ba.
kk.
ta.

[my every fantasy.]

__________________i hope i love you all my life.

well ok i'm finally in the mood to blog.
now. there.
summarised version.
highlighting main events.

sunday was halloween party in kats house.
she has a big house and two big dogs.
ok. her dog stinks like anything!
well.
jeslin, melissa, jialing, janessa, cherlynn, sophia, angeline and joyce were there.
fun.
they had a fun time mocking abt vaness, not me!
eeks.
and we had lotsa food to eat.
reached home at 1120pm.
really had lotsa fun.
had fun freezing too.
=X.

monday.
after lessons was town with jialing and zhiqi.
baked rice.
=P.
yummy.
.___yesh sensitve indeed. you know we love you. you dont have to take amaths to be loved by us.
tuesday.
wenta town with xiao ting.
saw really pretty dresses.
really nice prices too.
ate yoshi.
i bought my heels.
and xiao ting had a fun time critisizing my feet.
make me so depress.
i've ah ma's feet.
so ugly ler.
pouts.
with all the veins popping out like i've been walking for a whole century.
eeks.

today.
nothin' much.
having plans to get a black dress.
hah.
i was playing with nail polish.
and my kor and hw kept saying i'm flat.
tmr i'm wearing a normal bra to show [those who think i'm flat.] what i have.
hmph.

ok.
i'm tired ler.
nice short yet long entry.
ta.

[love is indescribable.]

i love my friends.

get lost and leave them alone.

__________________its not easy to be me.

well no mood to blog.
i'll blog tmr or something.
well.
life is utterly meaningless ler.
sometimes.
i'm wondering why am i not holding a penknife cutting myself or something.
well.
binge eating is nicer.
;).
it doesnt hurt.
it just adds on to my weight.
haha.
bloody fat asshole me.
ta.

[too full a bucket of tears.]