broken down. by you.

its my last official day with 3g3.
i am very sad. nvm.
guess angelia will understand how i feel.
but i am sorry angelia that i cried in front of you today.
i know you will stay strong.
dont wanna see you crying really.
i love you angelia. you will always be part of my 3g3 memories.

[speechless.]

i remembered mrs heng telling me.
"if you see someone crying. dont cry with her. smile instead."
now that i became so strong.
i never cry in front of ppl le.
really trying hard. but it hurts.
ppl say they know i am just putting on a smile.
but i am sorry. i need that smile to cheer ppl up.
to show that its ok. there are much worse case around.
really. that convincing smile of mine is fading.
i dunno why. i didnt have a chance to sort out my problems.
i need to. badly. or that fake smile of mine will hang there till then.
i hate the fact that i am putting on an act.
no one understands how i feel now. it hurts so much.
anyway thanx wen jun for your letter.
you have been a great classmate. you actually noticed me.
though i am not a close fren of yours. you are very sweet.
3g3 rocks.

[have to sort out my problems somehow.]

its for your own good if you wanna know.
[what if.] are not the words.
i dont wanna lead you on.
i dont wanna see you hurt.
'cause you know we were nv meant to be.
fate put us so far apart.
forget me. it was just a dream.
but glad that i had a chance to hold your hand.

[helpless when i see you cry.]

for i never bitch in my life.
unless its chiobu.
seriously.
i love my friends.
if i dont like you. i would have hinted to you.
dont doubt the friendship i have given to you.

i knew something was wrong.
you treat me like a stranger.
but i love you my friend.
you broke my heart.

[.lliw i dna elgnis yats ot desimorp i]

let go of me. i am letting go of the world.

[leave me alone.]

i wanna hurt you no more.
i wanna unwound your broken heart.
i wanna hold you so you'll feel better.
if you think this is a pack of lies.
am giving you a chance.
come into my heart. read the lines.
read the lines that tell how i feel.
perhaps then you will understand.
its not that i dont wanna be there for you.
its all my fault for making blank promises.
its all my fault. stab me to death.
i wont blame you. really i wont.
go ahead.

[i hate myself. i know you do too.]

yest was a day filled with pretty girl. =).
oh well. today.
went to sch damn early eh.
appointment with mrs lee was supposed to be 1130.
i changed it to 4 coz my bro wanted to come along.
actually he was the one who started the [transferring.] thing k.
then now he help me to talk to my dad.
guess he just trying to be an angel. but i am still glad he was around.
then yup i went to the library to return fines.
fines that is totally none of my business. just under my name wat.
i have been doing this every year le. lend ppl card to borrow books.
then fine like shit. they nv return books.
and with the short term memory i have. i will nv remember is who de.
haha. so yup paid up so much k. sy came in and paid her fines too.
her fines higher than mine though she nv lost any book. lol.
anyway. then i went walk walk. sleep.
hahaha. nothing much slacked till 3.
my dad and bro came. totally have to comment on my everything.
hello. ppl here like wear specs. to look toot. for them.
wear long skirt. to look toot. for them.
wear name tag and everything on top. to look toot. for them.
tie my hair in a pony tail. to look toot. for them.
no objections to anything. besides my hair k.
dun understand why they hate my bun so much.
said wat. i look like an auntie. ok fine. neh neh.
then yup talked to mrs lee.
i quite happy to have my bro again. actually very.
but yup was pissed by the comments the teachers gave.
sms: hanjin is a lazy girl who hands in her work DAMN late. doesnt study.
ok its true but she should just look at herself before saying that. yucks.
mrs lucy tan: hanjin is a VERY lazy girl. and is proud to annouce that she
doesnt do her hw.
wat the hell. i am not proud coz i nv do my hw k.
its just that since i lied to her that time.
she found out she was pissed and said she hates liars.
then i nv lie de k. i always say i din do my hw. its the truth wat.
at least i dun write one line and say i tried. plz. i am not such a big fat liar k.
she should give me honour stamp for being honest instead. YUCKS.
i admit i am lazy k. at least i dun lie my fat ass away. sucker.
oh well then nothing much. so the outcome of today is.
i should be retaining. but provided i pass four exam papers during the hol.

[now its time for me to sort out my problems.]

special thanks to:
kisha, serene, peihan, ankita and many more.
for helping me in the letter for mrs lee.
thanx babes. *winks*

talked to mrs lee.
things are getting hopeless.
then eh.
walk pretty girl out of school.
today totally maluated myself in front of her.
some shy shit i am. wanted to call her.
but i cant find her no. wats more too shy le.
walked liyun home again.
yeah talked so much again.
haha kept talking abt pretty girl.
pretty girl is too pretty.
i cant take it. neither can serene. =P.
lol. oh man. i am so tired.

[grant me the wish, fate.]

bronte champion trophy was heavy.
it belongs to bronte now. hehe.
peihan was cute on stage while i tried to hold that heavy trophy.
haha. BRONTE ROX.

whenever i take my pride down to make my first move.
i turn to myself and ask why am i doing this.
for all i get is nothing.
for all i do is useless.
for all i am is lousy.
i cant find a meaning in it.
i cant find a way to please you.
i cant find a way to be the one for you.
perhaps we are not meant to be.

[i dont know.]

handphone officially confiscated by parents.
got anything. email me.--> blue_han_jin@hotmail.com
then eh important call me la. home no. like duh.

[sigh.]

its been a long week.
monday took back results.
laughed the day away. seriously i think i am mad.
huiyi suspects i am suffering from depression.
whenever i am supposed to be sad i will be laughing very loudly.
then eh tuesday spent the day planning camp and stuff.
wed. camp. i was late for sch. got booked. same junior councillor.
she so poor thing i kept begging her again. haha.
then went for leadership course.
break time went back to class and realised parent have to meet principal.
haha then went broke down. kept crying. pon course.
and my dearest sweetest house caps went to talk to mrs lee for me.
peihan and i talked to mrs rupa then. oh well then yup was better.
i love [peihan. kai. fiona. joelle. siti. rebecca. hui boon. sophie. mrs rupa. mrs heng. sy. serene. andrea. chang sy. and many more. =).]
thanx for being there for me. then after the course.
we played frisbe. so fun. for them maybe. i mean how i noe.
sigh. then i was left alone to be in charged. was bad mooding.
but was ok la. lalala. then had bbq. then water bomb!
we kept lying. in order to keep them out to see the mater bombs.
we placed bombs around for them to throw at us.
but they too cute keep running upstairs.
then looked as if we were bullying them lorz. yucks.
then they bathed and blah. we went to clear up the rubbish.
and stuff. then we de-brief. and stuff. then bathed.
then went to the hall. they then decided to study.
i sat around to write letter to mrs lee as she asked for one.
then yup they slept one by one.
then left me fiona joelle. and bernice din sleep at all.
we sat there talked rubbish. fiona and joelle cannot make it.
were too tired totally talking rubbish. haha.
then vera woke up we sent her to toilet. then she nv sleep le.
blah blah. joelle slept. then fiona fell asleep. and i woke her up.
coz i said i wanna make breakfast le. poor girl. should have just made it myself.
then me and fiona the guardian angels who watched them sleep.
went off to make breakfast. then invited ber and vera along.
then did quite alot. rest of the caps woke up and did.
then fiona went back to the hall to sleep. i layed in mpr for 20 mins to rest.
then yeah rest of the leaders woke up. they then had breakfast.
then i was bad mooding. i went up to clear the rotten hot dogs.
was then bad mooding. heard stuff. totally felt like a maid.
haha then had mass run. then went back mpr.
me and cindy had to lead the sec.1s back to the bbq to clean up.
then both of us felt bad. coz the nite before made them clear up while we filled water bombs.
so we cleaned up the dirtiest thing around. we were dying.
haha then went back for bonding games. yeah so fun.
blah blah. then when got game to play i went to sleep in my class.
haha. then cant really remember wat happened.
was dead tired. then eh had lunch then went to bath with kai.
kena my thing. maybe thats why i bad mooded in the morning.
then yup everyone left one by one. then i cleared up the rubbish in the mpr with sy.
woke up kai left le. sy and i cleared up the mess. yup yup.
then we went home. was so so so tired. yeah.
it might be the last time for me to stand high as a vice to talk to them le.
lalala. i am always the girl standing backstage.
coz i dunno how to talk to them usually. i just do most of the work without much words.
realised i am just too involved as a vice. oh well but i am committed. dunno why.
so i dun mind being a maid for my fellow house leaders. =).

[i had great friends who stood by me.]

muni shu kaka. ampran muju hapan fir. imu anak ampan jalan hoohushaga. pigu da da = han jin.

noooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! not share.. its called 'siying hack hj blog'. haha cuz hacker sounds cooler.

heya. now i sorta share blog with sy. =).
let her blog in mine. yup yup.
anyway friday was late for school again. =/.
haha reach like late. the ppl who took the same bus as me disappeared again.
or maybe coz i strolled. haha. then i got to stand behind.
ms chia made me stand lorz. how cute please.
then teachers went for meeting. kept begging the junior councillor to let me back to class.
she so poor thing. i beg beg then sat on the floor.
haha then she really dun allow.
i really beg until she say ok awhile.
then i squat here squat there hop hop hop.
funny. then there was share-a-tot going on. quite funny.
then went back that time she totally say eh can go le.
yuck waste my strength hopping around.
went back then blah blah.
go for house game. frisbe! was in team Y.
haha reserve only not say i can totally play. so i umpire.
played the second game coz ming was tired.
i dunno how to play so i kept running. poor sy. kept chasing.
then they swapped player. came in kisha.
kept chasing me too. told her i dunno how to play.
totally wasting her strength only. funny.
then bronte team Y totally win all the games.
got into finals. won curie. first: BRONTE.
haha sorry too proud le. was so happy.
coz this game means alot to us. yup yup.
[huiboon mommy. we did wat we can. we hope the present is for you. and us.]
then went for forum. then meeting for farewell surprise party for house caps.
haha. then went for farewell assembly. was sad.
it was raining. so cold. then cried while the powerpoint slides kept going on and on.
then my tears were so warm. haha. so funny.
cried not much. decided that the sec.4s are not leaving us but the school.
yup yup they will always be part of us yup. =).
then we did stuff. stuff.
we did the surprise thing in seoul garden then. they said they were touched. =).
after all the planning and effort. was a nice gathering.
when i paid for the buffet. the waiter was dying.
coz we had lotsa coins. haha. then i kept saying sorry.
he then said,"its ok. but truthfully i think you are sweet looking."
eh totally no need. and his gf was standning outside waving at him.
funny. then i told him to help us surprise them with the brownies.
but yup ate half way went walk walk with fiona. was too full.
and i cant cook. they kept giving me food. argh. haha.
went back. told the waiter to serve us le.
then this waitress came and put the bag and a stack of plates on the table.
me and fiona were like wrong table not ours. then moved and hid.
so funny then we serve the brownies on the plate.
realised how small the brownies are. so we took ice-cream and stuff to decorate the plate. so pretty and nice.
haha yup yup. then the seniors caps down there cheeky-ing.
totally could tell. funny.
then went out. they gave us a flower each. i got a yellow one. =).
then took neo prints. i hid like shit. they wanted to kill me.
but was too tired and moodless by then. then went home.
they said my eyes were small. coz i was half in dreamland le.
then went home. yup it was a nice day. really nice day. though sad too.
but we enjoyed the time with our fellow house captains.
they are a batch of nice ppl. love them. =).
today. eh. sy like update below le. haha. lazy to update le. =/.

[all of you were part of our memories. without you all. we are different.]

today went for track. reached at 9.20.yuck.
waited for han jin. sir bad mooding away.
den ran to botanics. not far man.
then ran inside a bit. quite funny eh.
totally played with dogs and jo and siti.
haha they are funny man. played some games.
den walked back to school. haha the ang mohs in botanics must think that we are mad. we are la huh. then yup went home with han jin. fell alseep in the bus. luckily i woke up in time. den han jin went off. yawnz. im tired man. shall go sleep now.

-sy.

today was late for school.
totally walk in like abt 750+ only.
if i am not wrong. damn bus. haha.
then yup did cca points stuff.
then went down to wait for our turn to get up bus.
to go to little india. how cute.
yasmeen said i have meant for kissing lips.
another one who say that. totally making me ego.
but i love my lips. they are meant for ppl who are meant for. =).
then sat there so long. sun shined on me.
decided to sun tann. haha. opened my legs like shit.
mrs heng keep asking us to close legs. how cute.
then my sister was in little india too.
kept looking out for her. but cant find.
serene they all saw her. said she doesnt look like me.
how funny. then yup played in little india food court.
journey back was fun. kept bombing each others' clique in bus.
how funky. 3g3 rox. yeah i think bronte rox too. =).
haha. then went back to sch and sew.
wow. chang sy said i sew nice. =). and str8.
how fun. now i abit ego. wanna be a sewing machine.
haha oh lame. then went for bronte committee meeting and stuff.
was bored and tired. kept playing with pen knife. haha.
i think i looked scary playing pen knife. think only.
yup then lotsa stuff. blah blah. then played frisbe.
then they told me sir was pissed.
so i went to train though supposed to go to peihan's house to do stuff.
then yup went training. totally hyper for half an hour.
then died. walked. slacked with jo. even played.
we sun tanned. haha. so fun k.
then cool down we sat in the sun in the parade sq to sun tann.
how funny. kept running backwards. very fun.
then we started playing frisbe with chang sy, kai and fionne. =).
so fun. played till mad. laff like mad plz.
then went back they took their bags. chang went off then.
we continued playing. then wan hui and lesiel came join us.
yup was so fun. but i cant play. yuck. fionne is too cute. =).
kai another mad girl. yup yup.
dorcas joined after wan hui and lesiel went off. how cute.
dorcas in my group. she totally wanted to kill me. coz dumb me.
juz kept running and running nv notice her nv try to get the frisbe.
haha. and i cant throw cant catch. totally cannot make it.
then they dun wanna play le. me and jo went to mobil to eat.
was too hungry. hehe. totally. then her mom was coming.
pei-ed her eat and ate till her mom come.
her mom came at 655. yup then went home.
reached home at like 8 only. why huh? cant remember.
yup... i think jo is too cute. =). mad girl. yeah.
supposed to be in a down mood. tried to smile since morning.
then the smile end up real. i could feel happiness in me now. =).
yeah all of my frens rock. really. love them. they make me happy. =).
tmr farewell assembly. oh man. hope i wun cry too much. sigh.

[its not time to say goodbye.]

i went to extremes to prove i m happy always.
but in reality i m losing my mind.
underneath the guise of smile.
gradually i m dying inside.
friends ask me how i feel.
i lie convincingly.
coz i dont want to reveal the fact that i m suffering.
so i wear my disguise till i go home at nite.
turn down all the lights.
then i break down and cry.

[smiles.]

depression i think.
binge eating disorder is back.
the more i eat the better i feel.
haha. oh well. sigh. very tired of life.
but yeah dun think i will do silly stuff yeah.
am not that type.
think the world still got much to explore. =).

[eat. eating.]

oh well. am quite speechless.
noticed. my words are seen.
in this blog.
not as if i got privacy here. yuck.
but am speechless.
but if i lie convincingly to myself.
i still. can tell the truth.
me lying to myself.
haha. paradox of life.
i give up guessing which is the truth which is a lie.
its totally useless.
totally confusing myself at times.
shall have longer self-reflection periods.
so i can think abt stuff carefully.

[deep in thoughts.]

the kinda feeling you give me each time i look into your eyes.
the kinda feeling i have been searching.
its in you i know.
i miss you so much girl.
come into my arms. i wanna hold ya tight.
my lips are craving for yours.
its you. you should know.

[hidden truth will reveal one day.]

=). at last exams over le. =).
but oh well now its time i think over stuff again.
and i haven been blogging.
my kor lor too cute? paste a thing on the com.
"use com. fine: 50 bucks."
too cute? he my sis and i exam wat so he had to do that.
so he not tempted if we use oso. so cute.
but sigh. quite alot of things happened.
transferring of school and everything.
but not 100% confirm but i think its 99.9% confirm.
watever it is i am treasuring the days in crescent. =).
yup. and i was planning to step down as vice captain le.
i mean i cannot make it. though bronte still rox so much.
but i am juz causing a mess around. causing trouble.
shall not wait for them to sack me yup. =/.
lalala. and i have been doing art for lotsa ppl.
=). so proud. did art for jingwen too. but i drew like shit. =/.
but yup of not much help but that girl come from xishan pri!
in yishun. like the sch was opposite my old house there.
how interesting. perhaps saw her before a million times but din noe.
haha funny. just now went to sy house. yup had fun.
then went tuition with serene. but not really.
coz was totally late. =/. but its ok la. =).
and please. the things below are written by sy juz now when i was in her house using the com. how cute rite. mad woman. hahaha.
kk. my hands are tired. =). shall type no more rubbish.

[treasuring every moment i am left with.]

due to the fact that han jin the lazy bum has kneeled down to beg for forgiveness, me as the honourable and big-hearted manager has decided to open the blog again. i hereby pronounce that han jin has repented and will blog 8-10 times an hour. -gives han jin the threatening look-
thank you.

blog supervising manager,
blog supervising manager.

attention to all readers,
this blog has been terminated as han jin the lazy bum is too lazy to blog. me as her blog supervising manager has decided to close the blog. bye.

blog supervising manager,
blog supervising manager.